Where is the Love? (Or the Respect?)

Why is it that when we get married its all ok, and then a few years later when we have kids, things start to change?! It’s like things tend to divide dad & mom! So therein lies the need for teamwork and unity within dad & mom!

Its easy to not date anymore, its easy to get caught up in the myriad things to do, the tasks pile up, and when you get to bed its far too easy to just crash and sleep hard.

How can marriage be like this? How can it be all good in the beginning and then all of a sudden the responsibilities add up, and we have drifted apart.

Dated recently? Had alone time without the kids?
(Photo by Lon Christensen on Unsplash)

Well I think that the biblical way of doing marriage adequately provides a solution to this dilemma.

 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Ephesians 5:22-24

Have we submitted to our husband recently? Or do we diss him a lot? Have we listened to his insights? Or just do our own thing without consulting him?

Have you ever done anything around the house that he has no idea about, and he’s not totally supportive of? Well have you asked him about that?

Do we tell our kids how to show respect to their dad? Do we tell them that when Dad works, he is doing it for us, he is not leaving us all alone but working for us.

Do we translate that provision to meals, clothes, and a loving atmosphere in the home? When he says he would love to have more of this and that in the home, do you obey that or still do things your own way? Have we been a good helpmate to our husbands?

Helpmate doesn’t at all mean helper. Its coming from the word ezer kenegdo, meaning lifesaver, a warrior opposite to him, a match in front of him. Elsewhere in the bible it is only used as in the way God rescues humankind. The woman isn’t at all inferior, man and woman were created equally, and yet uniquely, each fulfilling a different role. Same value, but with differing roles.

The woman isn’t at all inferior, man and woman were created equally and yet uniquely, each fulfilling a different role.

Same value, differing roles.

In the same way that the church submits itself to Christ, we must submit ourselves to our husbands, knowing that God’s command of the headship of the man is trustworthy. This is indeed a profound mystery, Christ is the leader of the church, and the church is the wife who submits herself to the leadership of the husband.

If you know me, this is very hard for me! My fallen Eve sinful nature is naturally averted to authority and rebellious. But only by God’s grace, this is something my husband would thankfully say I’ve grown in.

This is a command that isn’t dependent on how the husband acts, although it sure is easy (I’m blessed!) when he is a godly Christian man. We are to respect and obey even in times when it can be difficult, when it is difficult; our “direct report” is primarily to God. We are by Jesus, in the following passage, to obey Him first, costly as it is to our ego.

Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me.

Luke 9:23

If we would think that our submission as our direct report to God is too difficult, just look at his direct report to God: “how did he lead his wife and family?” O that is heavy!

I am a firm believer that a strong marriage is the best gift one can give their children.

So its my hope that we work on this respect everyday, even when we don’t necessarily feel like it! It’s not a respect that is only when things are smoothly going, and on Father’s day or his birthday. (This is one of the reasons I’m not such a big fan of human constructs such as valentine’s, mother’s or father’s day)

Love and respect is supposed to be worked on every single day. Though I do understand the point of those celebrations such that we give honor to whom honor is due.

In this state of mutual love and respect, what is supposed to keep mom and dad apart is the thing that keeps them close. The matters they need to work on, to cultivate, to decide, and to believe God for, are the very same matters that if taken together as a team, will keep them tightknit and superglued.

In this state, as it is practiced through the years, and the kids grow up, see the strong marriage, and they begin get sharpened to successfully hit their targets in life, dad and mom are closer as ever than before.

Was this helpful? How about you, what are your thoughts on these?!

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